Using Stress to Propel Yourself Forward

May 23, 2019 by Sue Weston

By Sue Weston

The Jewish calendar is by its very nature a balancing act that alternately gives us deadlines (i.e. stress) followed by a chance to catch our collective breaths. The four weeks between Purim and Pesach mean cleaning, cooking, and cleaning again. There is so much to do that, sometimes, the stress can become overwhelming. There is just so much (and no more) that can be squeezed into six days.

Fortunately, after sundown on Friday night, Shabbat arrives, bringing 26 hours to reflect and relax, all of which can improve the ability to cope.

Stress is a universal constant. By understanding the stressors, people can learn to refocus their energy and gain a handle on anxiety.

Positive and Negative Stress

There is a positive side to stress. It strengthens the connections between neurons in the human brain, which improves memory and attention span. It creates a heightened sense of awareness to help the body respond rapidly. We all know people who produce their best work when they are under pressure.

Not all stress is bad. “Eustress,” which is related to positive situations, such as starting a new job or going on a roller-coaster ride, can keep people motivated, excited, and happy. Negative stress, “distress,” can prompt feelings of inadequacy, of inability to perform or cope with a situation.

The human body reacts similarly to eustress and distress and, whether caused by positive or negative stimuli, stress over an extended period of time can result in negative health issues.

Men vs Women

Men and women seem to react differently to the effects of stressors and the resulting stress. For women, stress is often the result of efforts to manage relationships and find solutions; for men, the pressure to win and the focus placed on success can lead to stress.

In stressful situations, women often exhibit “tend and befriend” behavior. They attempt to understand other perspectives. Women under stress tend to talk through the situation; they may feel nervous, sad (want to cry), or fatigued (lack energy).  Men, on the other hand, may have trouble sleeping when they’re under stress. They may feel angry or irritable. Some men experience a “fight or flight” response to stress. This makes them more prone to take on challenges and competitions.

When stressed, women are more likely to report depression, while men may stoically suffer in silence and only later experience stress-related medical disorders. Because some men perceive depression as weakness, they may compensate with alcohol or other dependencies. Sometimes, men refocus the energy externally, finding something else to do that allows them to escape the stressor.

These differences in reaction can make it difficult to recognize the symptoms of stress. Studies suggest that women are twice as likely to suffer from severe stress and anxiety as men. But because women tend to be more communicative about feelings than men are, the results of such studies may be skewed due to the fact that women generally rate their level of stress higher than men do.

Deal with It

There are ways to deal with stress. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, have been shown to reduce stress, boost memory, heighten moods, and increase self-awareness. Both male and female meditators display changes in different regions of the brain structure involved in learning, memory, and emotion.

Women tend to become more optimistic after meditation, which may reflect their tendency to ruminate over issues.

Men, on the other hand, especially those who tend to “man up” and repress their feelings, report fewer benefits to meditation. Nevertheless, studies show that, after meditation, men demonstrate improvement in self-compassion and more measured reactions as well as a decrease in judgmental behavior.

Build Programs to Fit

Finding the right way to relax is different for everyone. And while there are no simple one-size-fits-all solutions, there are common themes to consider:

People who are more in touch with their emotions are often attracted to the concept of mindfulness, which demands being present in the moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

People who suppress emotions may be attracted to performance training or programs that foster leadership. These options focus on improving executive presence. Even for men who view admitting to suffering from stress as a sign of weakness, the ability to better control emotions can be a way to improve the career trajectory.

Take Control of Your Stress

1.Try physical activity to reduce the tension in your

muscles. This can include deep breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation involving tensing and relaxing muscle groups, or exercise. These processes can distance you from the stressful situation, allowing you to gain perspective and, perhaps, a new way of thinking about the stressors.

2. Focus on the moment, on what’s happening right now. Live in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

3. Control your thoughts by reframing the stressful situation in a positive light. This helps avoid blowing a problem out of proportion.

4. Understand what causes you to feel stress and find strategies to deal effectively with these stressors.

5. Find ways to relax and distance yourself from stressful situations. This can allow the solution to become apparent. Ignoring the situation does not resolve the cause of the stress.

Personal Solutions

I find that writing allows me to deal with issues intellectually, walking and talking allow my thoughts to flow, and davening provides clarity.

Sometimes, the answers to the problem can be simpler than the questions.

In any case, my advice is to refocus on the positives, face your stressors, and let their energy propel you to greatness.

Ms. Weston is an innovator with proven ability to deliver sustainable results through collaborative partnerships, creation of an inclusive workplace and the elimination of gender bias. She holds an undergraduate degree in Industrial Engineering from Columbia University, and two master’s degrees: one in Industrial Engineering from NYU Polytechnic School of Engineering and the second in Organizational Management from University of Phoenix.